Warning: Eating disorders will be discussed in this post
The past few Easter’s have been very stressful for me. In the weeks leading up to Easter Sunday I would engage in more eating disorder practices. If I asked for no Easter eggs people would be like “don’t be ridiculous, a bit of chocolate wont kill you”, and didn’t understand that holiday’s like Easter, Christmas, and Halloween are very stressful times for people suffering with eating disorders.
I love chocolate, but my eating disorder told me I couldn’t have it. I would feel the fat growing and bubbling under my skin, and felt I’d wake up huge the next morning. It’s irrational, but you’re eating disorder convinces you that food is the enemy – especially favourite foods like chocolate.
I’ve been feeling anxious watching the eggs pile up in my house for the past week or so. I notice myself feeling more panicked after eating, and putting more effort into ignoring my eating disorder voice. Physically I’m looking after myself, but the mental aspects are still there.
For the past few months, I’ve started letting myself have rest days for the first time in 4 years, and I have dark or dairy free chocolate almost everyday. I have never been as toned or strong before. Some foods may not have the most nutritional value, but sometimes you want waffles with ice-cream for your soul. Your body needs rest to heal, and you shouldn’t deprive it off nutrients. I have phases where I can eat whatever I want and be more relaxed about exercising, and phases where I feel like I’m back to square one.
I saw a post earlier saying how much exercise you need to do to burn off your Easter egg and it brought back memories of having to burn off every single calorie. That ideology suggests that you can’t treat yourself, and if you do, you have to punish yourself for it. There are times where the fitness community is just as toxic as pro-ana and pro-mia communities. Instead of bones, it glorifies abs that are actually impossible to obtain.
Life is too short not to treat yourself. Life is too short to never have chocolate. Mind yourself this Easter.